We have meals that we like to eat alone. Dishes that are so visceral and specific that they don't lend themselves well to company. Things that we crave with an unreasonable passion, because they feed something deep inside of us that is hungry.
I had a craving like that recently. It's a pasta dish that I created many years ago when I was working as an au pair in Brussels. I had little time off and almost no time on my own (there were no rules back then about days off or regular paychecks) but one evening the family went out to dinner and left me home alone. I made my dinner from a box of pasta and some odds and ends and then watched tv, none of which I understood, and reveled in my freedom. It was a glorious evening.
These days, thanks to the pandemic, I never seem to get a meal alone. My mom is with us for the duration, so the evenings when Alex and Amaya go off to the climbing gym, which used to be my me-time, are now spent with my mom. My special pasta is a pantry dish. Sliced onions and anchovies, stewed down in olive oil with a fat pinch of crushed red pepper. When the onions are sweet and translucent I add a generous serving of angel hair with a splash of its cooking liquid and toss everything together with some grated parmigiano. The finished dish is sweet and salty and spicy and deeply satisfying.
I knew mom would like the pasta. Although I would have preferred to eat alone. I couldn't cook for myself and not offer her any, so I turned it into a meal for two. She thought it sounded delicious. Then as I was tossing the pasta she grabbed a handful of basil and asked me to tear it into the dish. I declined. Then she headed over to the fridge and starting pulling out bottles of hot sauce and asking me which one would be best? I gritted my teeth and suggested that she taste it before adding anything and then she could season it as she wished. She chided me for being too sensitive but left the hot sauce in the fridge. We sat down to dinner. She loved it. Ate every bite with no additions. It was one of the best versions I'd ever made. Something was missing for me though. Next time, I'll wait until I'm on my own to make it again.
Years Past
July 28, 2010
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